Gay Men and Sides: Sexual Self-Empowerment Beyond Tops and Bottoms

What if anal sex simply isn't part of the sex you want? In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW, CST, explores "sides"—gay men who prefer sexual expression without anal intercourse—and credits psychologist and certified sex therapist Dr. Joe Kort for originating and developing the term.

Ken reframes being a side not as an absence of sexuality, but as one valid choice within a broad erotic repertoire. He discusses consent, pleasure, sexual health, and the important difference between a genuine preference and avoidance driven by fear, pain, shame, or missing information. The goal is not to steer anyone toward a particular sexual act; it is sexual self-empowerment: understanding your desires, boundaries, health, and options well enough to make choices that truly belong to you.